She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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