Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
