I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize