My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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