Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
