I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
