just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
