have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
