We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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