you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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