Cold hands, warm shart.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
