guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
