She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
