I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
