i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
