man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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