Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
