he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
