I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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