I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
