This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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