why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
