I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
