Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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