to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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