You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize