is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
