Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
