rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
