Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
