There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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