bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
