I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
