Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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