That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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