I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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