What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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