i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
