I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
