I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize