Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
