i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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