this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
