I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
