living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
