11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
