Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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