She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize