Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
