all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
