I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
