overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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