we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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