After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
