I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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