no, he came in my armpit
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
