I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
