i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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