hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i think i just lost a toe
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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