im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
