What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
