So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
