Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
