ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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