i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
