Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize