I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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