I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
