Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize