Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
