Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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