You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
