my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
