doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
