He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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