I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize